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Jokes

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by HAVOC, Sep 13, 2017.

  1. HAVOC

    HAVOC Active Member

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    Anyone know any good jokes.


    Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”

    Man: “I had to get to work.”
    Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”

    Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
     
    Henry77940, Silligp, Cino and 5 others like this.
  2. Sir-John TML

    Sir-John TML HumbleSurvivor

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    Q: What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?

    A: "DYING To Meet You!"
     
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  3. Sir-John TML

    Sir-John TML HumbleSurvivor

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    Q: What did the zombie say before his fight?

    A: Do you want a PIECE of me?
     
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  4. HurtsWhenIP

    HurtsWhenIP Active Member

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    Mickey Mouse is at a divorse lawyer's office. The lawyer says "Mickey, you can't leave your wife just because she's a little crazy"
    Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f*cking goofy"
     
  5. XAIVIAX

    XAIVIAX That One Guy in the Back Row

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    There's a brunet, a red head, and a blonde on an deserted island, with a biger deserted island 50 miles away, that had the resources they needed to survive. The brunet makes it 30 miles and drowns. The red head makes it 40 miles and drowns. The blonde makes it 25 miles, gets tried, and swims back.

    There's a brunet, a red head, and a blonde, (all friends) stranded in the desert. They find a genie lamp, and rub it. "Hello, girls. I will grant all three of you one wish" Said the genie. The brunet spoke first "I wish to be home with my family" "I just want to be home" said the red head. Then the blonde spoke "I don't know, it's a really hard decision. I'm confused and I really wish my friends where here"

    There's a brunet, a red head, and a blonde, all going up the stair way heaven. Before they could get through the door at the top, God pops up and stops them. "WAIT! Before you can enter heaven you have to go through 100 of my jokes with out laughing. If you laugh you will go to hell" the brunet last 25 jokes and laughs. The red head makes it 65 jokes and laughs. Now its the last joke, "two men walk into a bar-" the blonde starts lauhging super hard. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even got to the punch line yet" said God. The blonde responded "I just got the first one"

    BLONDE JOKES! XD
     
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  6. Dreary World

    Dreary World Member

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    A man walks down a beach. Enjoying his day he hears someone crying. He looks around and sees a women with no arms and no legs crying. He walks up to her and asks "what's wrong?". the women replys "I.. I.. Was just laying here and I suddenly realized I never been hugged before"... The man looking puzzled picks her up gives her a big hug and sets her back down and starts walking away... But Then the women starts to cry again! The man quickly turned around and walks back to her and asks "Now what's wrong?". The women replys "I... I... I never been kissed before!"... The man once again looking puzzled picks her up kisses her then sets her back down and starts to walk away. But then the women once again starts to cry! The man Thinking to him self it must be serious this time.. He runs back and asks her "WHATS WRONG what's wrong! Are you OK??"... The women reply's "I... I... I... I.. I never been screwed before!" the man with out missing a beat picks her up and throws her into the Ocean and says..."Now your screwed!"


    Joke2
    My mom was always bad at telling me bad news when I was younger... After school one day I came home and she was there waiting for me.. She says to me "Timmy I'm cheating on your dad.... BUT YOU CANT TELL HIM!... I reply "Wh... Wh... Why can't I tell him that's really serious!!?" she look at me and replys... "because he's dead... "



    I like the dark jokes lol...
     
  7. BrainZzz

    BrainZzz Member

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    Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a POTATO in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

    Father: Really, what?

    Boy: That the POTATO should go in the front!
     
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  8. BrainZzz

    BrainZzz Member

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    Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.

    One day, they go for a walk and suddenly a fairy appears in front of them and says, " You've been married for so long and always been happy with each other. And for that, i'll grant you both a wish."

    Ana, filled with joy, wishes for the most luxurious vacation for them both. The fairy swings her wand and POOF - They got 2 tickets to the most expensive vacation destination in the world and with all expenses paid.

    Tom says, "Wow! This is a chance of a lifetime. I'm sorry darling..but i wish i had a wife that's 30 years younger."

    "Are you sure?" asks the fairy.

    "Yes!" Tom replies without hesitation.

    The fairy swings her wand and POOF - Tom is now 90 years old.
     
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  9. Nico

    Nico Member

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    The "Little Girl" and the "Murderer" go into the forest at night.

    "Wow, it's so scary here!"
    said the little girl.

    Answers the Murderer "Yeah, thinking of leaving alone later gives me goosbumps."
     
  10. ucan

    ucan Well-Known Member

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    Survival 1 = how can you get alot of guns ? what do you need ? 3 stock of food ? guns ? saw blade ?
    Survival 2 = No
    Survival 1 = than what ?
    Survival 2 = Just change it with weeds
     
  11. Nico

    Nico Member

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    I am so sorry but actually i don't get it :((((
     
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  12. Chicken.Rice

    Chicken.Rice Active Member

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    Q: What did the Buffalo said to his son when he went to college?

    A: Bye Son!
     
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  13. ucan

    ucan Well-Known Member

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    awh ammit , seems im truelly bad on grammar , oh wait maybe its the jokes , sorry i made it by myselft XD
     
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  14. Nico

    Nico Member

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    [​IMG]


    btw. i will steal your (genius) joke for a meme in the Memes? Thread xD
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2017
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  15. XAIVIAX

    XAIVIAX That One Guy in the Back Row

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    This pic is me atleast once every day XD
     
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  16. Storm_Crow

    Storm_Crow Active Member

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  17. Storm_Crow

    Storm_Crow Active Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  18. XAIVIAX

    XAIVIAX That One Guy in the Back Row

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    Hey, have you heard of the guy who lost his entire left side? He's all RIGHT now XD...


    That ones not funny. Everybody knows that one...


    Have you heard of the office worker who lost his entire right side? I guess you could say he LEFT the building! XD Awwwww! Got 'em!!
     
  19. XAIVIAX

    XAIVIAX That One Guy in the Back Row

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    There's a brunet, a red head, and a blonde, (all friends) stranded in the desert. They find a genie lamp, and rub it. "Hello, girls. I will grant all three of you one wish" Said the genie. The brunet spoke first "I wish to be home with my family" the blonde speaks next "I want a better genie"

    Three men walk into a bar... the're unconscious now...

    Oh! Oh! I got one! My hopes and dreams...

    Ohhhhhhhhhhh!
     
  20. Survivalist

    Survivalist Moderator Staff Member

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    Wanna hear a joke ?

    The new guys actually reading the FAQs and ask the devs

    o_O
     
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